Note dump :: Feb 2025
I have a very personal concept mixing a (modified) Pareto’s principle and (extrapolated) Moore's law: Technology’s role in the world will keep growing (Moore’s law) and at least 80% of it will be used for crap. Technocrats boast that even if 80% sht is conservative, goodness scales overtime too. The capital pie grows for everyone and with enough discipline, we can all enjoy it. When optimism allows, I buy it. Yay - more cake. 80% of the time, I see a shit sandwich.
Not giving a shot about all the AI news while working at GitHub feels like being a vegan working at a meat packing facility. Beyond the fact that I don’t feel threatened by AI, I genuinely believe that the echo isn’t representative of the technology. Yes, it is neat. But the news tells me that the world needs wisdom and a bit of quiet. Perhaps I’m just not in the right place right now. Perhaps I’ve pushed my tolerance to contradiction too far, or I’m about to change path.
I hear a lot of optimistic people I look up to justify their enthusiasm for technology by repeating: Few of the tech issues like anxiety and misinformation are inherently due to tech but to human social behaviors. It’s fair to say that the tech industry doesn’t hold a monopoly on idiotic leaders and abusive practices. Life has been hard and busy since the dawn of time, thus one simply needs to say yes to life. Yes Man aside, I see their point: there is no fighting, escaping, or coping alone. One should live with it by pulling each of these levers (except if a move to a cave is an option).
Tech is a lot. It has only accelerated and increased the volume of interactions and information. We are navigating and bigger, faster river on the same rudimentary canoe. Some are good paddlers, but most struggle. At some point, we get off the canoe to sit on the edge of the river to close our journey. The point of the critics remains, we are not equipped for this.
The cake tech has many layers. Some are thinner, some are creamier, and there are some stale biscuits too. Some argue that tech is now part of every level of the pyramid of needs. Some say that it’s mostly high, or figures today at the top. It’s a framework that can be bent. Most of all the systems of our society have been digitized. But we still can eat pixels and machines can’t live for us.
When arriving at an intersection or loading a page I often try to « leverage » the expected wait time. That materializes in dodgy maneuvers at intersections or opening more tabs. Realistically I should seize that time for a mini meditation rather than looking for dedicated time in the day.
Bucket list item filed: Someday, I want to cross the LA metro via the San Gabriel Greenway. Maybe on a bike. Or perhaps a kick scooter. The last one seems very slow, and weird for such a long distance but appropriate to really take it all in. It would be close to the longest, hardest way. I could also walk Craig Mod style, but I’m not quite resilient enough to even imagine experiencing LA’s industrial sprawl that close.
I met some Italian kids. We talked about driving in the US and Europe. During the conversation, one asked me how to say «the place pedestrians are» in English, which cracked me up as we were talking about how big city Italians do not seem to care about traffic rules, like sidewalks being for pedestrians only.
It is disturbing to see my kid going through the Costco monthly ad catalog like a picture book. He asks for it. But it’s very satisfying to see him confused not knowing what a TV is.
My kid melting down of frustration learning to scoot reminded me of myself learning to change a bike tire.
I shuffled around all morning looking for earplugs in various places where I usually keep a pair. Kids were rough and could have used them. All that to realize, 3 hours later that I had a pair in my shorts pockets. That’s some zen master mental warfare shit right here.
On our usual walk, my son stopped, and looked at the cars on the road next to us, other people passing by and the plane going over us. He did so with a disgruntled look on his face translating some kind of oppression or sensory overload, then melted down. I believe that is the sort of feeling I’m experiencing on work days around 4pm. A generalized bodily fuck you moment. We all experience this, and to that extent, we have come a long way since our early days, as a species and individuals. Kudos.
On that same walk, we witnessed a heron swallowing a mole rat. Kiddo watched with complete apathy.
My 2 kids embody alpha and beta releases. Alpha is clueless, bold, and insecure. Beta is a lot less ambitious and more secure. How much of that is environmental, due to the experience we give to each of them, versus what is genetic/out of our control? The perennial nature versus nurture. That question is always divisive in my household. Although my wife claims that Sapolski closed the debate. It’s turtles all the way down: the infinitely complex environment that nurtured what we are today (what seems to be our «nature») can’t be fully understood yet that shouldn’t deter us from trying stuff. Thus science, self-help, parenting advice, and a whole bunch of other theories.
Also «third kid energy» is a thing. These ones get forgotten in the car and don’t even budge.
A few years ago I was following low-carb dietary advice from cringe health influencers like Dave Asprey. Today I’m having fun eating leftover brown rice with peanut butter.
Solitude is the most effective path to creativity. There is endless nuances and content exploring this statement but that seems to be the general theme of everything on the topic. When one is alone, one does weird things.
The pull of Netflix, sports, and pornography is due to the irresistible need to admire how far our species has gone. Perhaps as reassurance for some, but obviously, great pleasure for most –to confirm that we won the survival game. We nailed it. We can now watch endless streams of the most impressive features of our species: our bodies. We are giving the finger to Mother Nature who tortured us to evolve into the marvel of biology we are today - and we in our teenage wisdom think we’re getting away with it. Cute.
There must be some absurd poetry to be found on construction sites. They are a sort of open-air slaughterhouse where the natural world gets chopped up and packaged. There are many around me that I saw evolving over the last year. The early wonder of the technology deployed was quickly replaced by disgust.
I’m absolutely okay with the idea of folding 80% of the pile of laundry. My whole being shivers at the prospect of folding it all. Just like all other tedious tasks such as cleaning the living room, sorting my inbox, and going through Slack notifications.
Finally reading Brave New World. The obsession of Huxley with the Ford production model and the assembly line makes for a horror show like first part. My first reaction was silly: «It’s The Matrix». But it’s the other way around, the Matrix is just a rebrand of Huxley. The social satire he builds is aesthetic and erudite, without the bleakness of the Matrix. I can barely understand how subversive it was received at the time of publication. But I can appreciate how the horror show it depicts maps to today. Some of the clumsy drugs and bodily manipulation are almost cute in the face of the stuff people are doing these days. We are trying very hard to create a brave new world.
The conversation between Bernard and John Lemond is so good. I was raised in a worldview where god or any spiritual was an anthropological curiosity, both characters are so dichotomic, I feel right in between, theoretically. I long for the pragmatic rationale of the Alpha and equally wish for the poetic desires of the savage.
The recurring tension between the need for community (in the form of a harmonious society) and «human nature» (beauty in all its forms, even the ugly ones like pain, oppression, disease, despair…) keeps the book interesting until the end. It’s sometimes subtle and sometimes blatant but the relentlessness spoke to me. It’s the big dilemma. To fit or escape, or whatever in between, navigating your options in a world that wants you in its gears as a consumer.
Some predictions he made are so uncanny, it’s probably why BNW is still mentioned so often. The ruling elite, test tube babies, mass censorship, and hormonal drugs are a thing today.
All the nonsense and failures of a perfectly imperfect human life seem worth sharing in this increasingly machine-slop-filled, spammy, sponsored, sweetened content era. Typos and half-baked thoughts I would have felt bad putting out there, in the shade of real writers now seem to have merit.
The decorative cairns in wellness shops are so perfect. It’s the added glue or metal stick that holds them up, not what should be: proper balance. Such a great illustration in this context. No amount of essential oil or pharmaceutical GABA will get you there. You gotta sit straight.
The great way is not difficult for those who has no preferences - this one kept coming back and cracks me up every time.
I heard this story long ago. A brilliant student gets a scholarship to go study zen in Japan. 2 months before the end of his scholarship, he goes to his master's and says that he feels behind as the close of his program arrives. The master goes hard on him with all sorts of Zen mental techniques and warfare. In the last week, the student feels lost, he’ll never get it, and gives up. Then on the last day, he gets hit: There’s nothing to learn, only to let go.
I’m a few days away from the end of my 5 month parental leave, waiting for the cathartic hit.
Neighbors and my own wife have voiced various degrees of skepticism regarding the implementation of universal basic income. The loss of productivity is problematic and scares us, commoners.
A neighbor was telling me that although he is not thrilled by Trump's 2nd run, he was glad for less liberal unrealistic optimism. I was compelled on the moment by how he casually said «I’m a bit tired of people who believe you can have something for nothing». How can you beat that? It seemed fair to acknowledge that especially here in California for sometimes acting as if money is no object. I’m personally very grateful for the generosity of the state of California, and so is my neighbor who was born and raised here. He often says it himself: «We’re so blessed». I wouldn’t pick the word blessed but I get the sentiment. We are privileged to enjoy the fruits of a wealthy state with strong liberal roots.
My dear wife spends a good of time reading all sorts of nonfiction. Her deep pragmatism likens to get the facts and know how stuff works, especially the macro stuff from long books. Productivity, efficiency, and economics captivate her and her number-friendly noggin. So loss of productivity, unemployment, social service, and taxes considerations made her skeptical. Yet she often, like me, wishes for more socialist policies. Like my neighbor who would live to see basic universal healthcare. «So you don’t worry if you break a leg, but yeah, no free heart transplant».
Is that being a centrist? A mild socialist? Reasonable? How is it so puzzling?
It puzzles me because of my inherited work ethic and equalitarian views. They are already antithetical. Even harder to contextualize in this kind of conversation. We clearly don’t need to physically toil and spend our lives oppressed by an extractive system. At the same time, we depend upon each other by playing «our part». Our Martian and capitalist ambitions have pushed these to an unhealthy state. If we all wanted to garden, have 1-2 kids and chill
«It’s kinda nice» means that you liked it, but acknowledge that it is not mainstream opinion. A typical California expression.
Most of my close neighbors probably think I’m an idiot. Because I behave like one. I try to chit-chat and always make a fool of myself. I make bogus statements. Nothing impolite but plain dumb. Perhaps in this chapter of life, I’m a doofus dad, babbling with his kid, lost in his own thoughts, sometimes trying too hard to pretend I’m not all this. I like the idea of connecting with people. I can also absolutely live without it.
Life has its seasons my wife remarked when we buzzed our toddler. He then looked like a different person, traumatized by the trim. Is hair looked more masculine, and the revealed face more feminine. She buzzed her hair postpartum. My colleagues wondered about my beard coming back from leave. A neighbor ended his long hair experiment. Nowadays my wife jokes that my next buzz is coming. Shedding and growing are two sides of the same coin.
Kiddo got in my office I ate 3x the recommended dose of mushroom chocolate I had on my (wfh) desk. I’m unsure how this is responsible for his weirdly hyper behavior of the day. He felt both over and under-stimulated. It definitely is a comical millennial parent story.
Corporate culture and self-help have given so much emphasis on the importance of focus. Single-tasking, slow productivity, and focus time have been jiving poorly with my creative ego. I seem to need multiple threads to weave something. Controlling the volume is at times challenging but the diversity and dynamic are undeniably stimulating, a positive fact in the scope of creativity. I get that without well-set boundaries and some emotional compartmentalization my approach sounds sketchy. Since I can’t create focus by putting on lofi beats during «focus sessions», I’ll stick to my torturous non-linear process.
It seems obvious but having «old» people in leadership positions makes too much sense. Young leaders are fun, well-educated and have some reasonable experience but the simple fact of having been part of the world for much longer is not just «an edge». It’s the edge. It may sound negligible but it’s not.
It is the experience of meditation that anchored finally got this home. At the moment, meditation doesn’t change much physiologically, gives little insight, and requires very little. It provides a subtle, yet profound shift in consciousness. The profundity of the change is due to the fact that reality is shaped by the mind. I see aging like meditation. It induces a shift one perceives in everything. It is slow and subtle. That shift is one of the quality of awareness.
Pragmatism only suggests to observe bodily and environmental changes. Which has been oddly unsatisfying. I have observed how my general sensitivity has dramatically changed, not just the stuff around. I know that I don’t know what it feels like to be 80. Somehow, thinking about it is pleasant these days. Probably another classic case of romanticism of mine…
It’s not chill to tell someone to chill. Similar to how Buddhist acknowledges that that suggesting to «let go» is generally unhelpful. So what to do when you or the people around are stressed out? Suppress and say nothing? Try to get creative and tactfully break the spell? Both have merits and clash with each other. At least that is what my experience of married life has hammered. I’d love for my wife to just tell me to chill. But I’m the one giving it to her when she expects me to magically figure out what bothers her (often something I did) and frame her despair in a pragmatic and emotionally sound language.
Our (California-sized) maintenance guy's small dog, is named Chicken.
On the same note, one derives significantly more pleasure by effectively using an object in its nonintended way rather than it does in the proper use case. A really inadequate name can be a much better option than the vanilla option, especially if fun is the goal.
Everyone has been giving me confused puppy eyes when I say that I don’t drink coffee or alcohol and that I gave up on cannabis… like I’m some sort of altruistic masochist. They may be ephemeral cheat codes but the benefits are so slim when they’re even one. Coffee jacks me up. I don’t enjoy the taste of alcohol, even beer is weird. Cannabis gets me depressed the day after.
I have stopped caring about GI index and glucose for a while now. I feel no difference. Not a pound has shown up. I’ve let rice and bread back in my life. I’m as unchecked as I’ve ever been. No wearable, no fitness app or goals or framework. Of all things I’d like to brag about, this is it at the moment.
I’m back at work. The first few days are very odd. Nothing has changed inside. The world is in such chaos it’s refreshing to see the absurd magic of corporate culture at play. We’re all here talking through our screens. The disconnect that often is alienating of our humanity, for once, seems to guard it effectively. After all, this is just work.
← Index Published on 2025-02-28