On gratitude
Neighbor T is a lovely human. We chit chat on a regular basis. When conversation stalls he never misses an occasion to point out how blessed we are to be here. Often he goes further and makes an allusion to third world countries where life is a lot harder. Our conversations often happens around sunset on the paths of our community where the light dramatically drapes the landscape in gold, like if god was trying to prove his point - “look how gloriously nice this is, for you, privileged”.
It is nice. We, in California have it good. Statistically we are here very far from third world countries. I get the point. My parents used a similar image when they were trying to convince me to eat vegetables: “some kids somewhere would be very happy to eat these endives”.
Whether it’s California sun or vegetables, there is plenty to be grateful for. I’m not getting used to this being constantly hammered by reasonable adults. In the US, religious precepts of charity and gratitude are coming at it with pity (most of the time) and use it as an ego-boost, which is morally wrong in my view. On top of that reducing the concept of quality of life to statistic is a gross oversimplification ofd the human experience. Many examples have shown this. Finland and Bhutan are regularly brought up as very happy countries, yet they are far from the US in terms of numbers.
On the flip side, most of the medical professionals I consulted in the US seemed to have doubted my rationality when I answered that I did not particularly miss France or planned to go back. Some went as far as saying that they would move if they could because that “looks nice”. The “American abroad” genre is getting some extra love with all the Trump stuff. I tend to stand with the liberals who considers moral tradeoffs (borderline moral bankruptcy in case like the US) not worth the material comfort.
There are similarities micro and macro levels. Locals praising the goodness of the dessert on their plate have acknowledged (to various degrees) the concourse of circumstances that make the deal extra sweet. Land grab, offshore labor, immigrant work exploitation, natural resources overexploitation, are just a few examples relevant to California. Comments have been accumulating and leave me confused and triggered. So I choose silence in the moment. Why be a party pooper? Why not simply participate in the collective and competitive display of kindness? The world would be a better place if we all were kinder?
From early bacterias fighting for survival, to the first stone found in our ancestor's skulls, all the way to mean comments online, violence has been here all along. Whatever the context, denial irritates me. Surely we live longer and life is statistically much easier but there has to be some kind of fight happening at some level. Completely suppressing struggle doesn’t seem to lead to peace but an unhealthy build-up ultimately exploding in our faces. Proactive release of shitiness is the way. Regular release resulting in no major chaos (or annihilation) is the most impressive feat of our civilization (granted it gets bad sometimes).
There are two sides to every coin, every mountain. The sunny side and the shady side. The yin and the yang. I’m exposed to people only caring, sharing or seemingly knowing of only one side. The sunny one. Which means only half of the picture is in sight. I feel dissonant going along in such ways. I haven’t found a way to reconcile the practice of gratitude in interpersonal relationships. To me, gratitude is an internal gear.
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