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This is 32

Convergence of closing projects, PTO, end of first trimester, and grandparents' support have created an odd clear space. It always takes me a moment to ease off of default work mode. The regular 2-day weekend doesn’t cut it, even cannabis assisted. Monday always seems to roll in before I actually catch a breath.

I went on a long ride in the Irish hills. On my mountain bike. It’s clearly not the tool for the job. My stoicism is a bit silly. I enjoyed maybe 20min then my shoulder and butt started to hurt. Nature is beautiful but the inevitable 30 minutes of windy, high-traffic road gave me the final blow.

I’ve bought and sold a bike every other year on average. That is unhealthy and not the kind of consumption pattern I want to maintain. Plus, after overhearing about local dudes' gravel bike fantasies, group rides, and general outdoor fitness, I’ve decided to step away from THE bike. The « cyclist » label doesn’t feel fitting. I’m not a bike advocate, nor a recreational mildly competitive, gear-hungry, strava addict cyclist. So instead of getting mad about both ends of the spectrum, I’ll just get off the saddle and join the ranks of the ambivalent e-bike riders, shoveling my kid and groceries, doing occasional golden hour detours.

I’ve been running consistently, though. The concrete initially scared me and my minimalist sensibilities. But with proper pace, padding, and habits, it’s been a good coping mechanism. 2miles is a good reset and can be performed 2-3 times a day, or extended at will. There is no real need for anything longer than 2 miles, after that, it’s for fun. Longer doesn’t bring more sanity or insight, just fatigue. Realistically I need more weight training. I need to get the bike out of my face. Get on my feet and tune in.

I have to confess that I have been agonizing over tracking. I dropped everything for a couple of weeks and it’s been torturing me every time I see a smartwatch. I generally spend more time thinking about ideas than the time it would take to actually do something about it - an agony fueled by the internet. I’m denying this to myself for now in the name of focus.

I haven’t engaged in anything creative and personal aside from my blog since moving to SLO. The outdoors, kiddo, and pregnant wife signed the end of a chapter of life for me. Side projects are dead, long live side projects! Perhaps only for a while or forever, speculation is not helpful or healthy.

I’ve driven our car for the first time since we bought it a few months ago. The convenience of the distance covered converts into an odd dullness. We went to Cambria in 50min. Got blown as we got out of the car. The wind was wild. We were poorly prepared and just followed the GPS. We made a couple of awkward U-turns and tried to walk. We were either cold or needed to pee. The main event was okay, the moment mattered more than the food. So salty it burnt the back of my tongue. We ended up back in Morro in a crappy « French » bakery. Pathetic pies, gross sandwiches, and soggy pastries were definitely on point, a truly accurate average French bakery. A couple of odd selfies punctuated our excursion because we have to do the millennial things we never do, just to remember why we hate it. Just like restaurants.

I’m rediscovering the pleasing feel of cotton shirts. Perhaps it is time for me to stop wearing a white T-shirt every day. It looks great, it’s available cheap, second-hand, and it breathes well. It drapes on my shoulders without making me like a sailboat.

10 years ago I was learning HTML. It's odd to contemplate this as I still use this piece of knowledge every day. Making websites is one of the things I've been doing for the longest. While Figma is slowly bridging the design/frontend, the ability to mentally preview how design translates into code has kept me employed and interested. We have neat technology like react but the base CSS is still the same (granted fancier). I'm glad I don't get to learn this stuff in the era of React and AI tools, that must be confusing AF.

I haven't watched a full movie in 2+ years.

I see a lot of dissonance and immaturity and yet a lot of growth. Many days squandered to anxiety and overreaction to baby and works things. On top of that, the sincerity I was finding in my self-reflection is going away. I'm becoming a drama queen succumbing to home and work thrash. Sleep is a reset. Every day I go through a whole cycle. My emotional tank from 60 to 0 by 3 pm. Thinking straight is harder, truly personal thoughts are rare. Sitting is a pain. My left eyelid started twitching randomly, every day. Lots happened above and below the waters of consciousness.

The first year post-partum was a shock. This is year 2 and number 2 is coming.

This is 32.

← Index / Published on 2024-05-01