Notes - February 2026

House stuff

We got a rower.

We definitely didn’t need it. Both users would need to put on weight and not lose any more. To that extent it may not have been a great idea. It replaced the couch and looks odd, a true statement piece in our already bare living room.

Rowing in my underwear with eyes closed is delightful. It does feel close to swimming.

The slower cadence compared to running and cycling and the full body engagement promote a smoother movement. I’ve abused my legs so much that connecting with my shoulders is lovely.

I can see the benefits of more pulling in my push-heavy routine.

All the numbers on the little screen make me feel like a fighter jet pilot. Of course the kids climb on it like a play structure.

I appreciate winter candles for teaching kids about fire relatively safely. That is not their mother’s opinion, who bought the candles.

We have reached a volume of LEGO in the house that stifles my creativity. My wife’s sorting impulse organizes them into boxes with compartments. Useful for wheels and windows perhaps, but not for colors and sizes. I want a big box to scrape in and make something. I’m pretty sure my three-year-old is on the same boat.

Domestic Philosophy

The facts don’t add up to the whole. Interpretation after interpretation it never comes to a full stop. We seek closure, which only comes in the shape of death.

My wife has been having fun torturing herself over creative endeavors. In the process she engaged in her favorite activities: nostalgia, speculative gossip, and reading her own work. She leans into her colossal memory to extract some juice and seeks closure or at least keeping neurotransmitters firing.

Whatever path she chooses will not bring definition, just a path. I insistently suggested blogging as an appropriate outlet. She started a blog. If you want the other side of the story you can read it there: soleliu.com

Now we both need to get off each other’s case and learn to keep our material for our blogs. Channeling creative emotional juice and avoiding oversharing is hard. We’re seriously silly and it’s going to (hopefully) look obvious.

She has very nice words.

Most accomplished authors look back at their work without much satisfaction, often writing until death. Treat yourself, relax, or agonize. Turns out we have the choice.

Either way it will be good reading material, but one way you may breathe easier. Oddly enough she has been looking into breathing exercises again. Pregnancy, postpartum, and mom life are not great circumstances to observe the subtle movement of the breath. She keeps trying to figure things out — muscles, posture, activation.

It is so subtle.

It took me years to tune in. I watched so many YouTube physical therapy videos. I have a vague sense of what proper breathing feels like. I can acknowledge it but not easily make it happen. Letting the body do its thing is the opposite of work. That is why I struggle with meditation.

But we are both trying things. It all goes somewhere, also called nowhere.

She bought a toaster oven. She returned the toaster oven. I picked up and cleaned a discarded toaster. We never used it. She considered several other toast-related technologies.

My lovely wife has now endorsed the bold solution I initially suggested: bread + pan

The cultural significance of high school in America is something I barely understand. To my knowledge it is unique. Many other cultures have equivalent phases but doesn’t seem to be as significant.

Pedestrian stuff

Checkout clerks were chatting about health influencers. The oldest was eye-rolling at stories about Liver King and Andrew Tate. While ringing my groceries the youngest said: “All these fools should eat more apple sauce and chill.” I think we can all agree with this (I was buying a few jug of apple sauce).

As I zigzag through a mall parking lot with the double stroller. I noticed a homeless close to the exit. Someone gave him a giant box of popcorn. What a disgraceful gesture I thought. I grabbed a box of energy bar. Nothing fancy but clean. I like these and kid ate one. On the way out I gave man half the box. Selfishly I kept the chocolate flavored. I didn’t know what to say as I approached him. I went with: "Stay strong out there". He calmly nodded and replied: "Thank you. God bless you. I’m from Oklahoma, I’m not dying here tonight".

The amount of time I had to say that yes, I grew up France, no, I do not like wine or cheese. I didn’t come to California for the food but it turns out to be just fine, even the bread.

Knowing somebody driving a white Tesla in California is like knowing someone driving a big truck in Tennessee. Or someone over forty with an ugly mole.

Beard goals: Claude Monet

Making it work and "it works" are two very different statements.

We’ve been oscillating between divorce jokes and fantasies of a third kid - a wide and healthy emotional range right?

At a party I joked that the cocktails prepared by the host were better than NyQuil (my only reference point). That was a lie.

The bible has a lot of references to red wine, honey and bread. I’m pretty sure that if Jesus was truly omniscient he would have had something to say about chocolate and bananas.

My wife asks a lot of questions. She would do great in this whole AI madness. She is a diligent and precise orchestrator. As always it’s the least equipped who faces the challenge.

Petty things I hate:

people driving to their mailbox. Who are you? The Duke of Westminster needs to cross the country to get his mail?
Young people who hire house cleaners because they “have more money than time.”
Vanity plates
Humor in footnotes, footnotes in general
AI tool viral launch videos
Chill blains
Sports talk

For my morning walk I choose between sun in the face on open streets or slightly too cold under the trees. Some days I make a conscious choice. Lately I just walk. Technically I pick a path but the subconscious process is more pleasant.

One cold morning the light was great. My fingers were frozen. Kiddo was sleeping in the stroller. The fog rolled over the lake majestically. I did not take one picture.

This is progress.

Small Realizations

Occasionally I meet life like this:

Life: “Hey I’m open.” Me: “I don’t have much to offer.” Life: “Sounds like we have a deal.”

Reading blog and marriage: There are so many things that make us different, but far more make us the same.

Subtlety and complexity are so close. There’s a tension between the two that tickles me. Both can signal depth: complexity shows it openly through structure, while subtlety suggests it indirectly through restraint The challenge is that adding complexity is easy, but achieving subtlety requires knowing exactly what to leave out. I spent my twenties lost in complexity. Admiring it at first, then overwhelmed. In my thirties, I find myself reaching for the subtle register instead.

After a decade in tech, I’ve met mostly nice, well intentioned people. The few I disliked were often the result of nepotistic hiring. A few blatantly careless bad apples too.

I also met a handful of legends. All of them acknowledged their good fortune. And luck stroke multiple time.

Sometimes in 2011 I was at my friend L’s place talking about a classmate. L said something felt off about P but he couldn’t say what. I suggested: “I think P has a great passion for something he has very limited talent for.” L laughed very hard and long.

One of my greatest memories of making someone laugh. Afterward he admitted he might fall into the same category. He loved making YouTube videos but knew he wasn’t great at it. I believe we all have some awareness of this condition. That is why I see lack of self awareness in people who advertise “having a hobby”.

My kids love to throw rocks in water. They want to throw many more rocks when they are given to them. They throw significantly fewer rocks when they have to pick them up themselves, and even fewer when they’re hard to collect.

Basic logic. Parenting is full of these small experiments that accidentally explain the world.

Kid meltdowns are another one. Parents get to witness little beings carried away by their mind without resistance. It drives me nuts. It is also a profound experience that illuminates what I’ve vaguely called the human condition. Seeing good and evil flowing in and out of your own people is a different sight than seeing it on TV or through gossip.

The biggest stress amplifier is parent anxiety, not toddler behavior. Easy to agree with. Much harder to work with in the moment, like most life lessons.

The permanent stains on my camping mug say more about my experience of life than this blog.

I had a decent month but the last few days were really shitty. I walked through a cloud of my own farts, seemingly surrounded with people wearing gas masks. An embarrassing number of hours went into wondering how normal it is to be upset about being upset. All the Buddhist lectures got me strangely motivated to learn how to feel like shit correctly.

How do you eat a crap day? With a big spoon and a smile (James Low). I smile every time. I sense the stuff behind it but it hasn’t clicked yet. Still, after an hour outside most of it is gone. Trying to put inner realizations into words is a reliable way make a fool of myself. I tried explaining the above to my wife. It didn’t land. Which reinforces my suspicion that these monthly notes should probably die.

Just like the nostalgia machine I married, I try to hoard life by keeping these monthly notes.

It's time to let them go.

— Published on 2026-03-01

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