The ego in the codebase

I have spent a significant amount of time working (and thinking about it) on this website. From the first version to v121 today, a lot of my creative ego I have gleaned and shaped on this URL. As I noted a few weeks ago, some drastic pruning seemed a mature consideration.

Once again I embarked in a redesign, driven by reduction. The expected happened. I spent a lot of time lost in thoughts, cuddled by the familiarity of the context. I know my code and my stuff. It tickles my ego so perfectly. It’s like rearranging the furniture, a video game: delete then bring it back, tweak, tweak, delete again, roll back… it literally kept me up at night.

I read many similar accounts. Often designers and developers who have, along their careers, fused a lot of their identities with their websites. The perpetual change reflect life itself. CSS like wrinkles. Natural, free-range, unprocessed html. Solar powered server, good for planet, great for the ego.

Just like a social media accounts, it seems like amputation to get rid of it. Ego, or whatever one calls big guns upstairs, has its merits. At least evolutionarily. It’s the hydra that grows another head when one gets chopped off. Can I just let it be? In what form. I’ve personified my ego into this pathetic bit of code. How can I make it a pleasant retreat?

The first step is obvious: reduction. Back to the original, good intention. Should I only have one page? Only a blog? Everything is merely a post after all? Pull the plug and delete the repo to avoid rolling back? The shenanigans are directly illustrating the Buddhists paradox «desiring to not desire is still a desire».

Ego countermeasures don’t work. Careful examination and regular trimming allow the flow to continue. Clear writing reflects clear thinking. There is little clarity with my ego. I found some in its byproduct, in the form of this website.