Notes - June 25
We lasted 3 days in LA. Ironically I was touting about how I had learned how to enjoy the lifestyle (at least as a vacation) the day before. The car kills me. The lower back pain from sitting, kids' meltdowns, arguments in the cockpit, mindlessness of hours in the car, the malls, are not worth the few good memories. The heat, poor setup and terrible baby sleep made us cut it short. What could be seen as a failed test of resilience actually felt like a little victory over expectations, culture, life itself. We knew the chances were low and the backup plan was in the back of our head. Returning home 4 days ahead of schedule confirmed: we are neither ready nor truly into it. The fresh air and clean house uplifted the mildly traumatized crew. Even our 7 months old baby showed vigor, although he had a few meltdowns during the 5h journey.
I’m convinced that the constant audio streaming is a direct response to not only availability but the sheer noise of the world. Cars, leaf blowers and everything else (even electric) are polluting the soundscape at all times.
My son born in the bay area hates the noises of cars and city bustle, the one born on the central coast hates the sun. That makes too much sense.
There was a Tesla parked on a really dirty curb. The door was open and I had time to peep at the dashboard screen, which I’m not familiar with. The sleek UI was in stark contrast with the pavement grime. The beautiful 3D isometric car sitting on a perfectly clean white was the quintessential representation of my issue with the screen based technology of today. I’m guilty too. Pixel perfect abstraction and smooth motion soothe my eyes.
I had a sharp feeling of having lost touch with reality as I was compelled to add "Shave" to my todo list.
I don’t get why it’s not illegal to have dogs in parks with playgrounds. How is that okay to have a dog pooping 3 feet away from where kids crawl?
Hiking with a toddler trains patience more than cardio. And when you have patience you’re often okay cardio-wise, an old lady confirmed as she passed us on the trail.
People AirTaging their dogs is a thing, and it’s not new apparently. It’s new to me.
At the park, typical middle aged parents chat about how excited they are about their upcoming vacation to a golf resort in Scottsdale. I was eye rolling and then they started shitting on nephews visiting Tokyo. Some stereotypes don’t seem to age.
Funny timing, the day before I heard yet another account of a trip to Japan.
My calves have been putting me to sleep
I drove my first baby home in an hourly rental (gig) car in an expired seat I picked up for free and hauled back on my back, Sherpa style. We used a donated stroller for the first 9months and bought a car as my wife got pregnant with our second. We could have been less stingy. I would do it again (unsure about my wife).
I’m holding my 8months old baby while brushing my teeth. He tries to grab my toothbrush then sends down to reach the ants that have swarming on the countertop. I did not close the bottle of baby cough syrup after number 1 played with it during my shower the night before. Now number 2 is on the edge of the hip carrier and almost gets to his goal. I shift to get him away, allowing him to reach my toothbrush. He stuffs the scum-caked bottom in his mouth. He then spits right on my shoulder. I take a quick dump with him still on the hip carrier carving in my bladder as I’m sitting. I’m already 2min late for an 830am meeting.
I took that note as I’m sitting alone in the zoom room…
I’m thinking of renaming my blog to "notebook" and have a description blurb alluding to the amount of negativity in it.
I had a strange dream bringing back memories of a vacation in Brittany years ago. The nostalgic memories and the boredom while walking my stubborn baby (who refused to sleep all night) led me to google my ex’s dad's name. Apparently he died last year. I had a great time hanging out with him. He was very generous and outgoing. A strong positive figure in my young adult life. Surely the speeding, drinking, TV all night, and all the other indulgences came to mind. He was a "bon vivant" and someone with a big personality. I didn’t get the chance to say thank you for anything. I spent more time with him than my own grandfathers combined. The fatigue and quiet of the morning created the space for the news to fully soak in. It is the first time I’m intuitively contemplating my relationship with someone who has passed.
I believe everyone is an outdoorsy morning person. Some are just in denial — or maybe I am in a greater denial having lived in California for almost a decade.
Every time my wife tries to explain some financial concept to me I want to just pull up a map to point at where I was raised. American finance will never make sense to me. Just as time outside won’t ever mean much to her.
No gentle nudge ever goes anywhere with my oldest, only aggressive Pavlovian incentives do it. He exhibits the same kernel of negative behaviors as mine: high emotional swing, anger, self sabotage. I used to think that our shade of buffoonery was a reflection of human nature as a whole. My second son seems to be a very different animal, likely at the other end of the spectrum like his mother. I enjoy his more joyful disposition, often wondering how his burden will manifest.
My wife finally got tired of the parenting book genre. My experience of parenting content is, stereotypically, a lot more limited than hers. 2 things annoy us particularly:
- Common strategies and advice are very often shaky and anchored in the shaky science of psychology
- Most good intentions and stories are often not relatable (although sometimes schadenfreude is appreciated)
There are a lot of parents around us at the moment. Most of my interactions with them are shallow. We are all tired and/or zoned out. I didn’t relate to many people before kids. That hasn’t changed. Seeing other parents showed how on the surface we’re all seemingly different and yet, mere mammals trying our best for our offspring. It’s incredible how 0.1% of genetic difference can make us think we’re different.
In the span of 3min, the oldest threw a bucket right on my nose cartilage and the youngest squeezed his mother’s freshly pierced ear.
I had no expectations but glycine seems to be doing some good to my sleep and gut for a fraction of the cost of Colostrum and prebiotics who haven’t done anything.
I have been adding many unpleasant things to the list of "X fills up the time that is allocated to it". It doesn’t seem to apply equally to pleasant experiences.
Friday morning with no early meeting. Kids in daycare and napping. I’m in the hot tub after a swim session, feeling as good as it gets and contemplating how I can barely fully process it. Seagull shit hits me on the shoulder. Some would assert that this is a proof of god.
Everyday, momentarily but frequently I lose any concept of value for human life. Kids or screen, overstimulation happens and the body overpowers the (my) mind.
I’m exploring the deep "ying yang" relationship between triceps and biceps.
How much sanity would we regain if we killed all podcasts forever. I aligned with my parents' complaints about TV in the 2000s and extended the same towards social media, podcasts and YouTube.
- "The beating continues until the morale improves" - seen on a tshirt of a dad with 4 kids, the guy looked oddly hippie in contrast to the statement vibe
- My toddler’s Chinese flashcards translate e-bike to "electromobile". I checked and apparently it is accurate. It also sounds more honest. Nobody can actually move the 60+ lbs monsters we call e-bikes nowadays.
- I don’t think many people asked my parents how they felt as much as I get asked, especially in professional settings.
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