Notes - May 25
"thoughtfully cobbled together" seems to be the most widely adopted build ethos from indie bike builders all the way to tech companies.
I was watching one of those Vimeo bikepacking adventure videos. Through the window next to my screen I noticed a dog in a car parked close by. The look in his eyes instantly highlighted the irony of our situation. Trapped in a car, or in behind a screen, the longing in our eyes is the same.
Rain and/or budget cuts have led to unkept weed overgrowth. It’s lovely.
After yet another stint with Fitbit, I’m taking it off, again. I put it back on 3 months ago to help/force me to unplug from the screen regularly as I returned to work. The nag worked its magic. I also was expecting my sleep to be shit due to cosleeping. Data confirmed. Obviously, sleep data (most personal data) is saying what I already know. Some twist of left brain bias has me believe that data will do the convincing effortlessly - It doesn’t.
I got into bikepacking as a way of refusing unsustainable, impoverished ways of life under capitalism. But pedaling out of my anxious mid-20s, I’ve come around to realize the impossibility, and indeed undesirability, of "Into the Wild-style" escape.
By Josh Meissner - very, very relatable although I’m not much of a bike adventurer. My modest escapades, the scale of the world, and marriage have smacked me and my wild-style fantasies. The recent decline of our morality and the effect on institutions makes me reassess the need and nature of these thoughts. Perhaps wild-style escape is not a bad idea. Travel slow, not too far, safely, and always lightly. In any case, an affordable healthcare system would be nice.
Wife bought 2 cubic meters toilet paper by fear of “supply issues”. Definitely not the supply of shit in our house. Meanwhile, I peruse REI in between meetings and contemplate how camping gear might be a good idea in these weird uncertain times. The blatant stupidity of my own thinking was defeated by unplugging.
My oldest best times these days are when standing on the stroller, barefoot, while munching on dry raisins, listening to our favorite South American chill vibes playlist on our usual loop.
I carried a full set of changes and the full diaper arsenal for miles for weeks. Of course, he dumps the biggest diaper when I’m not equipped, a mile away from the house, every time I forget the bag. Potty training has been a journey illustrative of the human experience. On one hand, it’s humbling and makes me appreciate how most of us have learned to handle most of our bodies. But it equally reveals how the fundamental changes are a never-ending flux of ups and downs, eventually leading to momentary stabilization.
My wife seeks stability while I chase the next high. I thought she was more virtuous than me (based on normative behavior). Today I firmly believe that either is equally silly.
On a Thursday, the perfect storm hit me. Crazy kids, moody wife, trashy work feedback, depressing reads, flaring allergies. My left brain didn’t even try to cope. Mid morning I was in a drug like sympathetic state.
My wife read yet another book about waste management (Waste Wars by A.Clapp) and was genuinely disturbed. The reading seemed to have created some agency but by the end crushed it. Most waste is shipped abroad. The stories about how each export happened are disturbing and fascinating (I didn’t read the book). A quick and honest thought on all waste-related issues I can think of leads me there: all are so deeply rooted in the Western lifestyle it would too dramatic of a shift to reduce significantly our family footprint. She mostly agrees. However, she picked on wipes, a recurring topic. With 2 kids in diapers, we use a lot of them — I’d say 20 a day on average. At least we don’t dump them in the ocean and genuinely use every single one. How virtuous is that? According to my wife that may be more effective than cloth diapers which require a lot of water and energy to wash... who knows. Speculations on orders of magnitude abound in my household. Anyhow, I’ve started to use a wipe when I clearly don’t need a shower. It does the job and maybe saves water? Bonus point for camping vibes.
Going from dual income, no kids to dual kids, single income has been the most defining experience since becoming an independent adult.
After my short stint playing with chatGPT last month, I found myself asking the same question to Google. I just want links and parsing through weird sites. But mostly if I asked a really dumb question like: is X a bad idea? - I should not get an answer, what’s the UI equivalent of a familiar human giving the look of shame.
All my thoughts regarding AI are influenced by my mediocre use of it, which I project to be most people's experience. Generative and chat-based AI for public use is likely doomed to reflect human nature once again. I hear that it’s in specialized tools in technical domains where AI is particularly primed. A few years ago, when AI was still called machine learning, there was a clearer understanding of the relevant contexts. The shift to natural language seemed to have induced that now machines are equally good at everything. They are not. And for certain things, like poetry, will never be - by essence.
Hair is free, eco-friendly sunscreen but I hate the shaggy mop on my head.
In the face of all the incredible product demos of the last few months, my discovery of silicon scar tape stands out. Truly fantastic stuff. I want to put some everywhere I don’t have hair. It seems to help clear granulomas on my finger faster than anything I tried.
Kiddo makes a thing with Duplo blocks. Break the thing by accident. Meltdown. For once, he gets back at it. He takes the time to fix it and finally understands how to carry it properly. He figured it out. I can see it in his eyes, confidence. Suddenly he is struck by panic and throws his creation on the ground. It explodes, so does he. This is self-sabotage. Yet another important spectacle, a direct window into the human condition.
Camus famously suggested that whether to commit suicide or not is the biggest philosophical question. Many serious answers and criticized and supported Camus’s. I have, like most who lived a couple decades in this world, contemplated how throwing myself under the bus would be an easier path. I’m saying this lightly as I’ve never had serious mental issues. A few years ago I was amused toying around with this existential question. I’m not much wiser now. There is a hilariously zen tone to the way I get there when I’m hitting a low point.
That thought negates the need to make sense out of something that makes no sense in the first place. Because as Louis CK jokes “life is worthless”. Value is a concept. We are alive because we are living beings. That’s it. The capacity for self-awareness doesn’t override this. Thus if we try to not remove all considerations for acquired concepts, we are only biologically made to live.
Euthanasia is a different story. I’m fully supportive of the right to choose to commit “assisted suicide” when unbearably suffering. I’m only 30 and I can’t imagine what would make me change my mind.
I felt compelled to explain what a pogo sandwich is to a colleague on a zoom as they asked me "How is it going". I was performing a pogo sandwich with my son right before the call. It consists of hugging him and his teddy bear while jumping up and down in place. He likes it. I like it for 10sec. This type of baby brain plus context switch situations happen on a daily basis. They are the best illustration of my work-life balance. Somedays I wonder how I manage to still be employed.
- The indie web’s "poetic web" is too far out for me. It smells more of nostalgia than poetry. Perhaps it’s the point and I just don’t get it, much like poetry.
- I saw a brand new electric SUV R-something coming out of the parking lot with equally fancy e-bikes on a back rack. I was mentally calculating that the entire carriage was probably more than $100k. On the other side of the street a homeless veteran, wearing his old uniform was napping. Seriously tanned. Worn out, customized, the army issued pack with water bottles strapped everywhere, and big MAGA patch.
At both ends of the socioeconomic spectrum, bad decisions compound.
Maybe I’m an empathetic asshole. Maybe the Rivian driver really likes biking with his family and believes in the future of electric vehicles. Maybe electric Mobility symbolizes for them a more equitable and sustainable future. Maybe the veteran believes in conservative values, left the army out of conviction, or found this backpack as is… Perspective doesn’t seem to matter anymore since it doesn’t lead to empathy. At least not systematically, or as we used to call it being polite or civilized. That’s why I refrain from making certain comments, even on this silly blog.
- I tried to give Microsoft's NL web idea a chance. Once again MSFT is pulling the "open source" card hoping for widespread adoption and another virtue badge. Open source has mostly field capitalistic growth rather than independent, long-term projects. The ones who made it, became corporations. I hear too often "You can make money doing open source". The kernel of truth is so small. Yes, you can make a living being a poet or oil painter because you have access to paint and paper. Not only gotta be in the top 10% (I think I’m generous here) and you need to fight your way into a rapacious industry (rarely what motivates artists I hear).
The NLweb clearly aims at the commercial web. Because who in their right mind would want to integrate AI agentic features on their blog or non-profit site?
What equally bothers me is the conversational aspect that is now the default interaction. How obnoxious. Because search doesn’t sound like a true improvement (good and fast search is neat). Search is already a full room and performant solutions already exist.
What is the agentic web? A web for agents, and robots, acting for our best interest but more likely profit. That doesn’t sound like the plot of a movie. What can go wrong? But I’m morbidly curious to see that human + robot world…
- Here is how I understand Sundar Pichai defending Google AI leading to a loss of traffic on press sites: the algorithm only reflects what people want. The market will adjust and change is painful. I don’t like the neoliberal of that last bit, but be it. The killer is "We (our algorythms) are just giving people what they want". That rarely goes well.
- Most highway overpasses I rode in California have some kind of pedestrian or bike infrastructure. However, the experience of it is awful. California is also the land of the automobile. She (Cali is a lady, I'm french) tries hard to accommodates both. That’s pretty "liberal" compared to most other states and countries. Some rightfully argue that the cost is not worth the actual use. By now it’s generally acknowledged that it’s a signal, an incentive, more than a forcing mechanism. Sometimes I’m hopeful. But most days I just squint and hold my breath, waiting for the light to turn green. EVs are nicer. No smoke or scary sound, they also tend to be smaller. The politics of it and supply chain are turning me off tho. Bikes are already so efficient (weight/power ratio), that's the electric propulsion that actually makes sense.
- A gentleman was telling me about his son who moved to Thailand. He followed his fiancée who speaks English and apparently translates for him. "It must be like a movie with occasional subtitles" said the man.
- These monthly notes are getting sloppy. I love that there is no publish button in my process as everything happens via FTP. My ego somehow found a dopamine button in the process. I need to tame this, pronto.
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