A couple interviews later

I interviewed opportunistically at 3 big tech companies in the last 2 months. Mostly out of FOMO and general burnout response. I do that pretty much every 2 years. Last time I got rejected from all because I didn’t fit the openings. People reach out telling me they’ve been following my work and offered to intro me to a job on their team, often product design positions. Because I’m morbidly curious, easily flattered, and the compensation ranges are wild, I give it a try.

This year was similar. I’m finally at peace with product designers – I don’t want your job, the extra $30-50k are not worth the squeeze. My ego got a nice boost knowing I could schmooze my way into a $200k+ job. Thus, here I am after a meeting-packed month which surprisingly didn’t feel worse than my regular. A few conversations in, I entered the great tech echo chamber: the same struggles, delusional expectations, silly interview questions, phony answers, awkward dynamics, over-enthusiastic recruiters, AI talk… and gosh those UX exercises. I made it through. It all goes somewhere, especially these oddly artificial experiences.

My first realization is that I’m very likely exactly where I need to be. Senior forever is a good life. Staff was a tough sell pre-AI, now it’s definitely a no-no for me. Many seem to be waiting things out somewhere on the corporate ladder. My place at the bottom is emotionally cozier and financially workable. I’m way above my income/contentment threshold. The extra cash and responsibilities are really not worth it. A recruiter gave me "kudos for interviewing with babies" - she said it very empathetically, but I heard "Why are you doing this to yourself" - Touché. The humanity resonated just as much as the cringe, mine, theirs. Ny now I know a few flavors of people in big tech. Not all of them but enough to be convinced I won't last much longer in big tech. There are some brilliant and resilient souls. From great squeeze comes great juice. Empty shells and tired smiles.

I scratched the itch. My best, rested, mind knows: I should be better than that. Maybe I needed that out of my system. The emotional cost of the process seems like a karmic tax for the year ahead. The existential buzz always fades. I have enjoyed great sleep these last few days. Sitting in silence has rarely felt more instinctive and the AI fuss has turned to a thin layer of smoke, although it ironically caught up to me as GitHub is following Microsoft's DOGE-esque dynamic.

There is always a next chapter. Life’s core processes are messy. Whatever it looks or feels like, most of us are trying our best, struggling (sometimes quite hard). Stuff changes too fast. We all reinvent ourselves with varying degrees of optimism.

My last realization was that I still don’t know what I want beyond "making things for screens" which is pathetic (and makes me prey to FOMO). I’m not alone, but after 10 years at work I feel immature. Human connection keeps me going. So I will allow myself to get energized by new conversations, not interview pipelines.

← Index / Published on 2025-05-29