Notes - April 25

I couldn’t resist jumping over a massive puddle on the trail. I messed up my landing, got a bloody knee and a hole in my right hand palm. Immediately after the crash I was buzzed and bummed by how it just had to happen, somehow this was a necessary reminder.

Brevity and kindness are wonderful corporate principles (tho fairly subjective). My best attempts at emulating them has resulted in scrappiness and humor.

More tractor drama: kiddo locked himself in a cabin. I was lucky someone around came to my rescue. Double luck the guy was really chill about it and told me that this ‘happens all the time’ because some doors actually get seriously stuck ( due to wear, dirt and general negligence).

Someone asked for the restroom to a store staff member: «over there, enjoy». That last word.

A guy introduced his dog as she was running around us at the park: «she doesn’t eat much but she loves to run, she is only 6, and I’m pretty sure she’ll die like that». That is extremely relatable.

My kid exorcised his anger out by throwing stones in a creek. I followed him, throwing, stacking rocks, vaguely making a dam. I had a thought for the White House staff, to who I’d recommend doing the same at the nearby Potomac River. Some good would come out of it.

There’s been a few perfect evenings in a row. My senses had such delight. The light, temperature and breeze, fully rendered how distracted my mind was, incapable soaking it all up.

The way I jump off my chair during the workday is revealing. So far I have not found a way to gently unplug.

I almost stepped on a fat lizard I thought could have been a snake. I instantly started to blab as I continued my run. That’s my scared monkey mind trying to distract itself from fear. That’s everyone on LinkedIn.

My wife says I’m giving pretentious minimalist vibes online while I call myself a doofus in person. She obviously doesn’t read this blog often, for the better.

I’m familiar with the concept of gaslighting but not the term which needs to be defined every time I hear it. In French we call this being manipulative, it makes more sense to me. Apparently the suggestion to deal with it is to avoid people who practice this strategy — while acknowledging that we all do it and suppressing that instinct is very hard, especially when not primed or triggered. That’s the big caveat to over communication, especially reactive. My wife also noted that the avoidance tactic kind of falls flat when the people you need to avoid is as large as «all your government administration or The internet.

To a disturbing extent my creative work is theoretically alike what AI promises. Give me a really spotty brief and expect me to make something out of it. The AI enthusiasts like to think that in a couple of model updates the gap will be too narrow for the general public to notice. In the realm of web design I’m confident it will be fairly noticeable for a long time. It doesn’t take a professional to feel the difference between a WIX template and a custom made website. Fast fashion made custom made clothe only more desirable, and expensive. I see myself as a craftsman who craft is getting even more valuable instead of threatened. Perhaps I’m a bit too confident, we’ll see.

I see a “bright side” to this whole tariff and geopolitical debacle: Commerce and travel will be significantly harder, and expensive. The economic slow down, could force a generalized consumption downtrend.I Perhaps American leaving the lead is how humanity start to wind down consumer culture. No country has been as economically privileged as the US in the last 50 years – Capitalism’s poster child. If it starts, it must start here, with a ridiculous self-inflicted wound.

I heard the idiom «even a broken clock is right twice a day». I thought it would be relatable to my wife and her conversations with her mom (or me). It seems like a low risk remark. At least I would get a smile — nope. Apparently a broken clock is not specific enough to get the point across and I deserve to be served harsh mood all day. I suppose I have to follow that with kindness and humility, not because we’re marriage but karma?

Myostatin knockout

I’m getting uncomfortable around the many dog owners similarly to around pickup truck owners. Ignoring differences is odd when they are so salient.

I’m getting to a point where I’m noticing what AI is good at and what it sucks at. I initially was impressed by its summarization ability but it provides more of an extrapolation than true synthesis. Seen like this, it’s not threatening at all and rather pointless as is add more noise, especially considering how omnipresent it has become. Everything is recorded, reduced, broadcasted… even PMs are getting annoyed by the extra noise. On the dev and design side of things, I’ve been sensing the need for a reset of expectations as AI agents are pumped up. It will go from 0 to 1 in most cases, to get anything north of that, it need either very specific guidance from a professional or be deeply implemented. Most of the demos are obviously smoke, the devs all know it. Some looks really neat, as always. A lot of folks are having fun waiting to see how this plays out, most are amused more than scared. So am I. With all the political crap at the moment, the AI blitzscaling is technically cute but culturally devastating.

I canceled my chatGPT plus after 3 weeks. Image generation was fun for a second. I’m sick of talking to it. The «prompt» engineering is not only tediously mind numbing, I can get as much by torturing my own creative abilities. I’ve also developed a weird tendon to ask questions I would not dare asking google, and should probably learn to let go off. Nothing perverse, just stupidly that could have found a ready sparing mate. So yeah — I’m done. I’ll probably need to meditate for a month to override this 3 weeks of GPTing.

Todays mail offer a perfect snapshot of the flavor of life these days:

The monthly Costco promotions catalog
2 local churches Easter ads
1 car maintenance ad
The Atlantic magazine
2 dental insurance billing automated mailers
1 Mc Donald Ad
Second hand toddler books
Amazon delivery of fish oil
1 HOA mailer

I used a steri strip to cover and close a really annoying tiny cut caused by opening a plastic box. I will do this for every cut, and should have discovered this long ago.

I rediscovered Aussie bites. I love the texture and the 130 calories per bite seems fitting for a bulk friendly food. I can easily get 2-3 in as dessert which seems acceptably decadent, appreciable and non bloating. May these be my gateway to an extra 500ish calories per day. Also another reason to love Australia.

I flipped my thumb nail whim trying to break a tangerine skin open. I felt weak, vulnerable and upset. It’s little things like this throw me off, not political news, climate change, or even family drama.

L’habit ne fait pas le moine - cela dit les punk porte rarement un toge. If it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck.

A mom saw my bruised knee and told me a story of a new dad friend who went for an opportunistic jog and crashed 5min in, but rolled with it.

I thought TASCHEN and Costco were to brand who would never meet. And yet…

I remembered the beginnings of the burger menu during the early days of the mobile web. It’s the strongest memory of evolution of web design I can think off in my short career. I remember trying to sell the idea in my small agency. It was cool and new, and totally irrelevant to the local/institutional websites we were building. Now it’s 90% of menus where there’s more than 4 entries. That makes me a «real» web designer.

The shared dream of "passive income" says a lot

The claim that "coporations are people" is strong these days around me. It took me a while to even understand the doctrine, as someone that was offered a ticket, fairly randomly. I refuted this with the banal point that corporations do not flourish in the same way that individuals do, thus being happily supporting the claim seemed like ass-kissing. If they are, it's not the best version of its people – under the pressure of company interest, income and societal norms.

Somedays I feel the earplugs vibrating as my kids screams right into my ears.

I have been eating in 6 hours what I used to eat in 12h. I know this is temporary but my body is not liking it. The bloating is intense but I feel a bit more juice. Weights are a very different effort tho - and can’t simply replace my 15min runs. Cardio pairs well with desk work anxiety. Resistance training doesn’t (so far). I don’t know how to ease into. A few pull-ups, pushups, a good set of lunges… fatigue hits, struggle without focus or intention. No feeling of release or satisfaction before the 20min mark. It could grow on me if I made time for it. The neuromuscular connection aspect is really fun, toes and legs love the attention. I spend a fair amount of time prepping and eating, aside of full time work and dad life. I may not be in the right phase of life for this bulk to happen. I joke that lifting my kiddo is the original progressive overload. My arms are about to fall off during 15min+ carries. Food and exercise seems to be asides, the big issue is computer work. I hate the gym because it feels like the worst place the ease into “using my body”. I wish I could move purposefully. Everything I do is artificial, and at best, fun.

While trying to figure out this whole bulking ambition I realized that I very likely have a mild malabsorption issue. I hypothesized this many times in the past, sometimes as a joke - how can I be so skinny will eating so much? I don’t digest much fat, especially all the cold butter I like so much. So I need to take a butter hiatus. Apparently many skinny, fast metabolism ectomorphs like me who have, swayed by the keto fat love fest, tried to go for a high fat diet have hit the same wall. The protein adds to the load. I’ve read and heard so much on both macronutrients I forgot about carbs — not completely but enough to wonder how I’m going to fill a 1500 calorie gap. How am I going to live without butter? I actually ramped up my butter consumption as we moved a mile away from Costco. Which coincides with onset of my GI drama. It’s comically American. On top of that, my caloric excess seems to end up keeping me awake and hotter at night, and not fuel much muscular growth.

There’s a eucalyptus grove adjacent to my neighborhood. The bark shavings, smell and fresh air contrast with the concrete and cars around it. Occasional homeless roaming, lost souls, dog walkers are to be expected. In the middle, newly planted native trees, struggling. An educational panel explains how this invasive eucalyptus ends up being an opportunistic shelter for birds and butterflies. It was installed right after the concrete enclave of the new development was finished. It mentions that eucalyptus tree are self-senescent which feels like a way to say that we’re waiting for them to die. Most living things undergo senescence, why mention it here? Just to drop a fancying scientific word? Be nice to trees, don’t call them «aesthetic green space» - that sounds superficial. We need them more than they need us. We all decay gracefully, even concrete.

I’ve been trying to close the day going to the train station as often as possible. San Luis is a small town and the mild bustle of the 4pm train is as crowded as it gets on weekdays. It’s a strange sentiment of bonding with my kid and the local ecosystem. He loves the train, I like the bike ride. We go through town, the microclimate

Passive moments like these revealed that my mind has stopped to tried to rationalize the storyline. It’s getting blurry or absurd — sometimes bringing up empty but ultra crisp textural memories. Like if the subconscious was try to say that has always been that way, nullifying the chaos of today in a soft grumpy cosmic giggle.

I'm done fixing typos in these monthly notes, sorry english. Feel free to tell me how awful my spelling is as you glance at the disorder of my frantic mind.

← Index / Published on 2025-04-30