Stuck in a funk

I’m (still) uncomfortable with the idea of being a blogger. Likely due to the sound of the word. Quite a fart-like word. It sounds made up by a teenager. Or I’m simply a grumpy idiot with a word problem.

The fact that blogging is a thing qualifies me of someone doing that thing. I don’t know what I’m doing. Sharing publicly my thoughts on fairly random topics. I found my “third place” in this practice. Right between social media and proper writing. I’m not a writer (if you’re not already convinced).

After a couple of months, 20+ posts, I realized that I don’t have any new perspectives on design-related topics. I only praise what already works and rehash a lot of minimalist advice. I wanted to believe that reframing is an essential part of progress. The truth seems closer to : I'm only adding noise because I selfishly want to have my word out there. Like if this was some sort of intellectual capital that would add up to the greater pile that is human civilization.

Wisdom in its intellectual form is abundant and, thus meaningless. Being clever with words is only satisfying for a moment. I repeatedly mull over how the most important things have already been said, multiple times, eloquently.

Like a few "bloggers", I have been foolishly trying to better myself by writing. One post at the time, fetishizing "the process". The longing for peace and wisdom is a bit too obvious. Retrospectively it looks pathetic. My intellectual sink is clogged. I'm not only weeding my thoughts. At this point, I'm cultivating a weed garden.

Sanity is rarely achieved by not being a fool. One shouldn't amputate its part of madness and fear, but rather seek more of the good stuff. I'm such a fool that this logic is hard to follow, yet I've come to terms with it, theoretically.

I've been in a funk for a couple of months that I can't seem to shake off. For a variety of reasons I’m not going to indulge in listing. All self-inflicted. It's not a bad life, the bottom of the smile curve is real.

I often just want to vent. That ends up in a long-winded rant about whatever irked me, tied to whatever is the latest philosophical concept that peaked my curiosity (almost always as a contrast). My current list includes: my Config 24 conference cringe, Mindful tech, Design systems, Brown mulch, Linkedin Cringe, WFH + Kids, Stress designing... Having an outlet for it provides at best some comedic relief, but certainly limited value when considering the noise.

So I'm stuck between this blog as a decent way to keep spelling out, overthinking, and ruminating my internal narratives, and facing the cold fact that none of this will fix the pain from philosophical dissonance of my zen-like aspirations while being a dad and making a living as a corporate tech worker in America.

← Index / Published on 2024-07-27